No, the ATM won’t run out of money tomorrow

Dear diary,

Late last night, many Malaysians received an SMS (that’s short message service to you millennials). And as expected, they perhaps only read the first two words instead of the whole text message.

Almost immediately the jokes started!

12.15am: WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOM? – Aiyooo, this Sunday all the ATM will be RM0 so better go bank ‘tekan duit’ first thing in the morning.

Note: ATM is Angkatan Tentera Malaysia (Malaysian Armed Forces) not automated teller machine!

The message was to inform people that the Armed Forces will start to help the police enforce the Restricted Movement Order, thus the RMO. (It’s also referred to as Movement Control Order).

8.33am: THAT’S HARD TO SWALLOW – Plenty of messages from people asking if it is true Malaysia’s Health Minister Datuk Seri Dr Adham Baba said drinking warm water will help kill the coronavirus. It’s unbelievable but yes, he did.

Warm water doesn’t kill the virus. Luckily he is a politician and not a practising doctor … so not many will take him seriously.

9.11am: TRAVEL BLUES – Wanted to fill up petrol since RON95 dropped to RM1.44 per litre but can’t head to Fraser’s Hill anytime soon, so decided to watch reruns of Frasier instead.

10.06am: ULTRA VIRUS FUN – Checked phone, so many musical parodies about coronavirus, including this one.

Frasier marathon continues.

Noon: SNOOZE TIME – Haven’t had an afternoon nap in a long timzzzzz

2.03pm: KITTY FOR CADDIES – Kelab Golf Negara Subang has started a relief fund for caddies.

No word yet how much, if any, tips the caddies at TPC received for the ‘charity’ golf game attended by the prime minister last Saturday – a day after he announced all gatherings – including international meetings, sports, social and religious events – will be postponed until April 30.

2.44pm: R.I.P. KENNY – Not Covid-19 news but sadly BBC reports Kenny Rogers (the singer to some, the co-founder of a restaurant for others) died. He was 81.

He’s one of my favourites. He certainly decorated my life through the years.

2.55pm: WHO’S THE BOSS?Twentytwo13 senior copy Purwaiz Alam editor shares that Senior Minister Datuk Seri Fadillah Yusof says only the head of the family can go out and run essential errands and attend to essential matters.

Alam is happy as that means his wife will be the one running around. Lazy bugger. Twentytwo13’s managing editor Pearl Lee, meanwhile, says this could mean more men will be out shopping and they will take hours to buy something or end up like this:

3.05pm: AMAR EARNS HIS WINGSTwentytwo13’s creative editor Amar Qastellani says he once bought the wrong type of sanitary pad for his wife.

“I bought the extra-large wing and told her she could fly. She tampal the wings on my baju (shirt) the next day.”

Yes, this is going to be a disaster.

4.08pm: ANOTHER DEATH – More sad news as Malaysia’s Covid-19 death toll rises to four.

Health director-general Dr Noor Hisham Abdullah also reveals there were 153 new Covid-19 cases, bringing the total to 1,183. This further rubbishes Dr Adham’s claim that Covid-19 ‘cases may have hit plateau’.

4.59pm: DEATH TOLL RISES FURTHER – Sarawak recorded two new deaths from Covid-19. This raises the number of deaths to six in the country. Shouldn’t the Health Ministry be making this announcement?

5pm: THIRSTY (AGAIN) – Time for a drink (not warm water) as Alan Jackson and Jimmy Buffett sang …

5.12pm: DEADLY DENGUETwentytwo13 editor Haresh Deol says since Dec 29, 2019, till yesterday (March 20), there have been 32,767 dengue cases nationwide. Selangor tops the list with 20,174 cases. From January to March 14 this year, 46 people have died from dengue.

Since we are quarantined, now’s the best time to clean up our homes.

6.30pm: IT’S GETTING WORSE: Health director-general Dr Noor Hisham Abdullah announces death toll is now eight. Take care folks. Remember, just stay at home.