She sat by the window alone. Despite the foggy weather, she closed her eyes, trying to think hard with her foggy mind.
She inhaled a long, deep breath, wishing for things that she knew were impossible. Before she could prevent it, she realised what was happening to her.
“Not again,” she muttered.
“Why are you still here? Do you think your husband will wait before he finds someone else to replace you? Do you think he can forgive you after what you’ve done?”
“You know that nobody will miss, or even realise if you’re gone for good, right?”
She was hearing them again.
Two years had passed but the voice didn’t seem to go away, even in the slightest. The thing is, she could feel it every time it was coming toward her. She didn’t exactly understand the reason behind it, but it would haunt her whenever she was alone, thinking of the tragedy, crying her heart out.
She felt as though someone was invading her mind. She recognised that it was a woman’s voice, but couldn’t recall anyone in her life that sounded familiar. All she knew, was that it was not hers.
Nothing seemed right in her life right now.
“My life is a mess. And I don’t want to do anything about it. In fact, I don’t want to do anything at all. I don’t even want to wake up every day.”
This had evolved into her personal mantra after she lost her career that she had spent 10 years building, followed by the death of her only daughter in a car accident two years ago while on their way home from her graduation.
She used to be on top of the world; earning a six-figure salary, being mother to the brightest student in her daughter’s school, and being married to the love of her life.
But now? What else does she have? She felt as though she was losing everything every day; including her own mind.
Being alive means we cannot escape from experiencing events, both fortunate and unfortunate. While some people might cope better with tragedy in their lives, some struggle to break free from negative emotions attached to it.
Have you ever wondered what depression looks like to some people, compared to normal grief?
1. Depression is when you just feel sad. Every day. Of the many emotions humans have, sadness is the only one that lingers. As if it’s the only emotion you’re born with. As if it’s the only company you have.
2. Nothing is interesting or pleasurable to you in any way. You forget the thrill of that bungee jump you did with your best friend. You forget how you would always look forward to the next episode of the series that you follow on Netflix. You forget how good you feel after an evening date with your spouse. Everything is just plain and grey.
3. You can’t sleep, or you just sleep all day long. The memories keep playing in your mind, again and again, late at night, till you realise it is dawn already. Or perhaps, staying in bed for long hours and not even noticing it at all.
4. You feel tired all the time. Getting out of bed is a daily, constant struggle. You refuse to do anything. Even for yourself.
5. Life has no meaning anymore. Or you don’t feel like you bring meaning to people around you, or to life anymore. Hopelessness or worthlessness dominate. And every time you try to ditch them, you lose.
6. You think about death. A lot. You feel that you’re better off leaving this life. For those who believe in the afterlife, it shakes your personal belief.
So, when all of these consistently remain for two weeks at least, the gamut of emotions will make us feel as though they will stay with us forever.
Well, it doesn’t have to.
When this happens, it’s time to pay a visit to your friendly neighbourhood psychologist or psychiatrist.
Because you matter. Always.
This is the personal opinion of the writer and does not necessarily represent the views of Twentytwo13
