It initially felt just like any other day at the clinic for psychiatrist Dr Anne (not her real name), up until she met Azhan (not his real name).
Azhan was diagnosed with depression several years ago and was undergoing treatment with a single, low dose anti-depressant, as prescribed by Dr Anne’s colleague. Azhan took his medicine on time and showed up at every scheduled clinical visit.
Having gone through the records of her new patient, Dr Anne thought she could have some extra time today to work on her ongoing research about a new drug as soon as she finished seeing her last patient for the day.
But Azhan wasn’t what Dr Anne had expected.
As she called out Azhan’s name, a middle-aged gentleman walked towards her room, indicating that it was he whom she had just called.
But the way he responded was unlike Dr Anne’s other patients.
Azhan got up slowly from the chair in the waiting area, and with solemn eyes that didn’t match Dr Anne’s warm smile, began to make his way towards her.
Azhan was dragging his feet as he walked into the room, and sat on the chair located the farthest away from the doctor.
He took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling, making Dr Anne feel more curious than before about what was bothering Azhan.
Typically, Dr Anne would start the conversation by asking her patients how they felt. However, she broke the ice this time by saying: “Mr Azhan, thank you for coming in today.”
Azhan was rather startled by what Dr Anne said, and replied with a weak smile.
“Happy New Year, doctor. I bet everyone is telling you about their new year’s resolution,” Azhan said.
“Yes, but I don’t have any resolutions. Would you like to share yours if you have any?” asked Dr Anne, who was trying to assess Azhan’s emotions and possible recent stressors, or ongoing unsettled issues, while keeping their conversation going.
“That’s the thing, doctor. I didn’t see the need to do that with my ongoing situation. I don’t know if there’s anything left for me to do for the sake of my own happiness,” he added.
“I’m intrigued by your statement regarding your own happiness. Would you like to share more about it?” replied Dr Anne.
“You see doctor, the new year might provide new hope for other people so they can do better in their life. But with my ongoing responsibility, I must sacrifice my personal happiness for my family,” explained Azhan.
“Taking care of my younger sister is challenging as she can’t do anything by herself after being involved in a car accident that affected her brain. She has nobody to depend on, apart from me. I’m the only family she has left.
“Not only did the accident rob my sister of her ability to function normally, it also took away our parents’ lives,” he added.
Dr Anne nodded her head slowly, listening attentively to Azhan’s predicament.
“I quit my job at a law firm abroad a few years ago so I could return to our country to take care of my sister. Some days are more challenging, although I know she doesn’t understand what she is doing anymore.
“Apart from taking care of her basic needs, I need to make sure she takes her medications, so she wouldn’t have seizures at home.
“I was at the highest point of my career before it all went downhill just like that. I can’t return to work anymore, at this age .. to start everything from scratch is simply impossible.”
Dr Anne quickly handed over tissues to Azhan as tears started rolling down his cheeks.
“I have never felt the need to end my life, doctor. But on some days, I just wish I had someone with whom I could share the responsibility as my sister’s main caretaker.
“Others have their off days from work, but mine is a lifetime commitment with no rest, or ‘me time’. I love my sister, but I can’t deny how low I feel. It is draining, and at times, I just can’t sleep at night.
“I often feel irritable, and I don’t like to meet people anymore,” he added.
* * *
Caretaker burnout is more common than we think, especially when the primary caretaker doesn’t have much social support.
When this happens, it is important to seek professional help, talk to close ones, or join a support group.
Being aware and mindful of our feelings in a certain, or difficult situation, helps; but it doesn’t define who we really are.
It is important to realise the limitations of what we can, and cannot do. It is also important to realise that taking care of ourselves doesn’t mean we are selfish. We need to be okay to take care of those who are not okay.
Having mixed emotions in taking care of a family member is not a sign of weakness or guilt. These emotions are for us to cherish.
In the end, we will realise that we are, after all, human.
This is the personal opinion of the writer and does not necessarily represent the views of Twentytwo13.
