Twentytwo13

The revelation of age, and Chinese New Year

As the nation and the world observe Chinese New Year, the following story comes to mind.

The revelation of age, whether intended by design or inadvertently discovered, is not always the engaging topical discussion one should be drawn into.

Some 32 years ago, as I struggled with my English Bar course in London, I found myself seated next to a female student from Malaysia (who was very much older than I) in the cafeteria at Holborn Law Tutors, Barons Court.

I cannot exactly remember how the conversation began, but I shared my intrigue in understanding the Chinese Zodiac, where the symbolism of 12 different animals bearing specific attributes marks a 12-year calendar cycle.

By knowing a person’s Chinese zodiac, one can readily guess a person’s age, even though that may not always be the intention.

Now, before any Muslim reading this screams syirik, please know that at that juncture, Islam had yet to find its way into my delinquent heart. Hence, pursuing trivialities circa 1993 was second nature to a person of my disposition.

Anyway, in an awkward moment to strike up a conversation, whilst personifying the very definition of an ignoramus, I asked the lady in question which Chinese zodiacal animal she was born under.

Truth be told, I was expecting an enjoyable back-and-forth whilst consuming a very questionable halal-looking meal – it had the appearance of halal but without any accreditation.

What began with congeniality on both sides morphed into the semblance of acrimonious divorce proceedings, with me at the receiving end of something combustible.

“So you are trying to find out how old I am???!!!” the lady lambasted.

The precise details of what ensued are somewhat hazy, but I do recall the never-ending tirade, followed by a series of apologies from my end.

After recovering from the trauma of the ‘dos and don’ts’ of female interaction, I placed a conscious note in my mind that a lady needs to be reminded that she is young, or at the very least, younger-looking than I was.

However, the dictates of life are such that there is no one formula which can be applied to all situations, and with that, my ignoramus character riled up another lady.

This time, whilst being cautious of past social failings, I found myself complimenting another Malaysian student, who was also studying for the Bar exams and whom I had known for some three years. I remarked on how young she looked, and that the passing of those years did not appear to have blemished her appearance.

What I was hoping for thereafter was a repertoire of thank yous in some shape or form; however, what I received instead was an explosion of:

“So you think I look immature???!!!”

It became apparent that I remained clueless on how to strike a conversation with a lady.

Fast forward several decades later, as I dawn into the twilight of my life, and though I would like to think that I am somewhat wiser regarding the male-female discourse, the ‘dos and don’ts’ of female interaction remain an enigma to me. The list of what can rile up a lady is a continuing process, as with the expansion of the universe – the list just keeps getting bigger.

If there is a lesson here, it would be this: do not open any Pandora’s box where ladies are concerned, especially with our better halves.

Even so, and regardless of whatever consternation we may have on this matter, matrimony remains one of the greatest blessings bestowed upon humanity. Indeed, may Allah preserve all our marriages.

And to all my Chinese family members and friends, a very Happy Chinese New Year.

The views expressed here are the personal opinion of the writer and do not necessarily represent that of Twentytwo13.