Last year was not a kind year. And it remains unclear what 2021 will be.
If you told me back in January 2020 about how the year would pan out, I’d probably have said that you were speaking nonsense. Yet here we are, at the beginning of a new year. A lot has happened over the past 12 months.
And it’s no understatement that it’s been tough – from experiencing the Movement Control Order (yet again), to the water cuts in Selangor, and the bad economy.
Everyone has been affected in some way. We’re all in the same storm, but not in the same boat.
Everyone’s health, physical and/or mental, has been affected in some way or the other too.
Let’s take a look back at 2020.
Remember during the MCO when you would see everyone on social media posting about themselves learning a new skill, cooking a new dish, or just doing something “productive” in general.
You look at yourself just trying to get through the days and feel like you weren’t “using” your time well enough.
Then you hear people around you saying things like, this is the best time to upskill, do something productive, hustle and improve!
The pandemic is still here. You don’t have to do anything other than survive. If all you did was survive in 2020, then hear me out, that’s more than enough.
Don’t get me wrong. Being positive is great. It can help motivate you.
But it turns toxic when it invalidates a person’s authentic human experience and they see negative emotions as a bad thing.
That’s when positivity turns into toxic positivity.
What is toxic positivity? It’s when a person is expected to keep a positive attitude despite the pain or difficult situations.
You’ve probably heard someone telling you to look on the bright side or be grateful for what you have.
In other words, it’s the notion that you have to have a positive outlook about life all the time and that being positive is the only way to live your life.
Stress takes a toll on your brain. It leaves you without the cognitive capacity to learn a new skill or be productive if it’s using all its capacity just getting through everyday life.
Moving into 2021, let’s take a different approach. Let’s give ourselves time to feel down, to feel out of place, to feel those feelings that you’ve been trying to keep down.
You’re human. Feel it. Don’t let yourself think that those feelings don’t mean anything.
You feel sad because you had a bad year? Feel it.
Don’t let anyone tell you things like “but you had it better than some people, you should be grateful”.
Everyone’s feelings are valid. You are entitled to feel what you feel.
It’s okay to not be okay. We can’t choose the emotions we want to have and sometimes negative emotions arise. That’s fine.
Feel those feelings, acknowledge them, don’t avoid them. Let yourself feel hurt for a while. Then after that, pick yourself back up.
When someone confides in you, sympathise and empathise with them, unless they explicitly say they want your advice, offer an ear to listen to and a shoulder to lean on.
Just because we aren’t feeling the same, doesn’t mean someone else can’t have different feelings.
Don’t let yourself fall into that trap.
If 2020 taught me anything, it’s to be kind to myself. Let’s extend the same kindness to others as well this year.
This is the personal opinion of the writer and does not necessarily represent the views of Twentytwo13.
